amazon and goodreads reviews 

"As a therapist with over a decade of experience working with individuals navigating trauma, and as someone with lived experience, Breaking Trauma Bonds with Narcissists and Psychopaths by Shahida Arabi is a profoundly insightful and practical resource that I cannot recommend enough. Arabi's work is a beacon of hope and clarity for those entangled in toxic cycles with manipulative individuals. She masterfully breaks down the psychology of trauma bonding, helping readers understand how these bonds form and why they are so difficult to sever. The book strikes an impressive balance between being deeply empathetic and highly informative, creating a safe space for readers to explore their pain while also equipping them with tools to reclaim their power.

What makes this book stand out is its practical focus. Arabi provides actionable strategies for recognizing red flags, strengthening personal boundaries, and fostering emotional resilience. These tools are presented in a way that is accessible to anyone, regardless of where they are in their healing journey. From a therapist's perspective, this book serves as an excellent adjunct to therapeutic work. It fosters insight, encourages self-compassion, and empowers clients to take an active role in their recovery. For those with lived experience, it feels like sitting down with a wise, compassionate friend who has been through the fire and emerged stronger. Arabi’s compassionate tone and evidence-based approach make this book an eye-opening guide for anyone seeking freedom from harmful relationships. It is not just a survival manual—it’s a roadmap to thriving. Whether you're a professional supporting clients or someone breaking free from toxic dynamics, this book is an invaluable resource." — Shelton Kiana, Goodreads Review

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"I'm so, so glad I found this book. I've read probably hundreds of self-help books in my life, and a lot of titles particularly about surviving narcissistic relationships in the past few years, but this book feels decidedly different in its approach, scope, and content. One of the most notable insights this book held for me was its focus on the neuroscience behind trauma bonding -- a term I'd previously believed meant "two people brought together by a shared traumatic experience" but in this context means an abusive, manipulative dynamic in which you can become trapped with a narcissistic personality -- and how this impacts your thoughts and behaviors. While I've seen a lot of therapists focus on awareness of one's mindset, this is the first one I've seen actually focus on why those of us currently or formerly trauma-bonded to narcissists seem so inescapably vulnerable to tactics like gaslighting, manipulation, love bombing, and stonewalling. Written in a personalized and direct tone, I deeply appreciated Arabi's approach to the topic from a place of reassurance and deep empathy. While the book touches on many upsetting and potentially triggering topics, the discussion of these patterns is always accompanied by the clarification that you are not alone, that these patterns can happen to anyone, and that change is always possible.

As a person with a lifetime of familial and interpersonal (mostly non-romantic) experience with narcissists, I still got a lot out of this book despite its focus on dating and romantic relationships. The first-person experiences with gaslighting were particularly insightful to me as someone who has often doubted whether I was 'making things up' or 'the one who was actually the problem' in former toxic, codependent relationships. It was eerie and quite jarring to see how many statements from Arabi's research participants had been said by me verbatim - only reading them like this really made the pieces slide into place for me. This book covers such a wide array of elements in relationships with narcissists: identifying what the dynamics are often like, understanding the trauma bond, healing modalities, and ways to put the focus back on yourself and your needs, navigating manipulation tactics, and breaking bonds with narcissists for good. Even past its focus on being aware of abusive dynamics and pattern spotting, this book also provides countless journaling prompts, open-ended questions, and opportunities for helpful self-reflection, which will be beneficial to many readers.

Whether you are someone who has interfaced with narcissistic personalities in your home, workplace, social circle, or even across the political landscape, reading this book will provide you with a better ability to not only spot narcissistic behaviors but defend yourself against them as well. It also names and defines manipulative strategies and behaviors which the reader may not have had the language to describe before: I benefitted from explanations of tactics like micro-betrayals, dangerous adaptation, malicious envy, mirroring, and intermittent reinforcement." — Grey, Goodreads Review 

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"I have been in a very long-term relationship for years and years. I kept taking this person back over and over and over. Despite the mental abuse and trauma, I am talking repeatedly. I would get over this person for a while and then something would happen, and we would get back together, and it was always the same situation. Always so good at first, I know now this is called love bombing. Then, little by little, Mr. Hyde comes out. Something about this person had changed, I observed! Yeah, that was the same thing I thought 1 million times. Why did I keep taking this person back? I kept asking myself. I never knew the answer until I read this book. I only got to page 78 before I knew. Then it took me a few hours to call this person and use my words, not yelling or name-calling or blaming. Just my words, my experience. I was very calm, surprisingly. It took me 30 years of trauma and abuse and craziness, gaslighting, abandonment, being discarded, and devalued. I thought this was just normal couple stuff. Well, for me it was not. It’s an addiction, and it gets worse. Today is day one of my freedom. I don’t want to look back at the good or the bad. I just want to look forward.

It was this book. This book and this book alone helped me after 30 years of pain and suffering.
Thank you to the author for saving my life today. The author, Shahida Arabi, MA, shares in this book INVALUABLE INFORMATION and states clearly IN PRINT the things I have been going through for years and thought it was either me, or I could fix the person and/or myself. I suffered physically as well as mentally. I said I “stopped” at page 78; because I had been working on myself through the years and through the long breakups. I happen to have a fantastic therapist who has supported and guided me. She was very familiar with narcissistic personality disorder. So when I said I stopped reading at pg 78 and spoke my words to the malignant personality in my life, it didn’t stop there. There is an EXCELLENT chapter on how to handle your emotions AFTERWARDS. Yes I felt dizzy literally. Because now I know too much to ever go back to this person. I’ve lived my life just waiting for the person to change! I wasted so many years  I thought...but the book gives so much inspiration and positivity that I feel I can do this. Chapter 7 is helping me navigate on my own personal map. It’s never too late as long as I have today." To you all reading this if you or someone you love is suffering because of a malignant cancer on their personality: get this book. This person was a drug for me." — Amazon Reviewer, "10 Stars For This Book!"

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"Shahida Arabi's thought-provoking and powerful new book, Breaking Trauma Bonds with Narcissists and Psychopaths is a must have survival manual for victims of narcissistic and psychopathic abuse. The author pulls no punches; instead, she lays out all of the necessary facts for identifying whether your abuser fits into certain personality types, and how and what you can do to stop the abuse cycle. This is aimed primarily at romantic relationships, but is incredibly helpful if you are a victim of family, co-workers, or acquaintances who are abusive to you. Reading this book should save you a lot of grief and give you powerful weapons to protect yourself. This is a very practical book; Ms. Arabi defines the personality types of abusers in concrete, easy-to-understand language. She also goes into what might be some of the causes of the abusive behavior. Throughout, her tone is warm and kind, allaying doubts that you may have about whether you caused your situation. (Hint: You didn't.) She also takes a deep dive into specific abuser behaviors that throw you off balance, make you doubt your perceptions, and bond you closer to the abuser. For healing, she gives you numerous routes to take with practical instructions and exercises. And, last but not least, she reviews way to break up with your abuser for good.

I have found the author's writings to be compelling as well as extremely helpful. I have been a target of narcissists since junior high school. I have been targeted by "friends," co-workers, and my mother-in-law and sister-in-law. My husband is now reading Ms. Arabi's articles and will be reading this book too. As a victim, I am more than appreciative of all of Ms. Arabi's hard work in bringing information to light on these disordered and violent personalities. I heartily recommend this book if you even THINK you may be dealing with a narcissist or a psychopath. Get away from them a lot earlier than I was capable of doing!" — Sheila, Goodreads Review

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"This book is a great resource for understanding trauma bonds and narcissistic relationships. What sets it apart is how the author transforms complex neuroscience into accessible insights – no advanced degree required.
The content is thorough yet approachable, covering the science behind trauma bonds (including their impact on neurological development and cognitive function) while maintaining a practical focus. The author strikes an excellent balance between academic research and real-world application.

Key strengths include:
- Clear explanations of relationship dynamics
- Evidence-based strategies for breaking unhealthy patterns
- Practical tools like journaling prompts and self-reflection exercises
- Versatile applications across personal and professional relationships

Worth noting: this isn't just about romantic relationships – the principles apply equally to professional and family dynamics. The author emphasizes that falling into these patterns isn't a character flaw; it's a well-documented phenomenon that affects individuals regardless of their resilience or capability.

For anyone questioning whether their relationships are serving them well, this book offers both insight and actionable steps forward. The encouraging tone and clear structure make it particularly effective as a self-help resource." — BookPauper, Goodreads Review

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"Arabi does a phenomenal job of distinguishing characteristics between narcissists and psychopaths, providing case studies and examples of the different diagnoses, and empowering readers to recognize and handle both disorders in real-life situations. She does a wonderful job of explaining brain chemistry, trauma bonds, and attachments, and she helps readers discover how to disentangle themselves from dangerous relationships with cluster B personality types.

Not only does Arabi provide a wealth of information about narcissism and psychopathy, she also offers tons of modalities and preventative interventions for people who want to heal from or avoid relationships with narcissists and psychopaths. There are so many ideas for how to rebuild self-esteem, set healthy boundaries, learn to assert oneself, and protect oneself from future entanglements with toxic people...Arabi's work is something I am proud to add to my shelf. Far from being a doom and gloom read about the negative repercussions of narcissistic abuse, Arabi empowers readers to achieve and maintain liberation in the dating world and beyond." — Elyrria, Goodreads Review

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"Breaking Trauma Bonds with Narcissists and Psychopaths is an easy-to-read book by researcher Shahida Arabi. It’s a helpful guidebook for people who are victims of manipulation, gaslighting, and deception in romantic relationships. The author defines trauma bonds as a powerful connection between abuser and victim based on danger, betrayal, or a power imbalance inherent in the relationship. This book is packed with the tools to break free from the destructive grip of narcissistic or psychopathic abuse. It teaches how to spot manipulation tactics used by abusers and emphasizes drawing healthy boundaries with a partner. It also includes insightful tips and practical strategies for safely ending unhealthy relationships and building healthy relationships in the future. I recommend this book for adults who suspect they are in an unhealthy relationship. While the case studies are geared towards romantic relationships, the principles can be applied to workplace and family relationships as well. Not only is this book very informative and easy-to understand, but the author also writes in a positive, encouraging, and reassuring tone." —Amanda, Goodreads Review

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"This is an excellent book. It is well laid out. It clearly explains trauma bonds via biology and psychology. How bonds are formed and breaking them. It gives a clear understanding of how to identify narcissists and psychopaths. The book provides a takeaway section at the end of the chapter that summarizes the main points. The book also has exercises that help calm your system and help break the bonds that have previously been formed. As a therapist, I feel that this book could help a lot of my clients! Well written and easy to understand. I highly recommend this book." —Dawn, Goodreads Review

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"I learned so much from this book. Shahida Arabi offers a clear, practical guide to understanding and breaking trauma bonds. The book combines insightful explanations of the psychology behind these toxic relationships with actionable strategies for healing and setting boundaries. I particularly appreciated the helpful exercises and takeaway sections that make the content easy to digest and apply. As someone who has dealt with manipulative relationships, I found this book both informative and supportive. Highly recommend for anyone seeking to heal from trauma bonds." —Sarah, Goodreads Review

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"This is an excellent book that is not focused solely on romantic relationships, in spite of the title. What makes this book a stand out is it focuses on how trauma bonds are created. Why are we drawn to challenging personalities? There is a section on therapeutic options...The remainder of the book looks at manipulation tactics and how to dodge them. It finishes with a great coaching section on how to avoid these types of relationships in the future."  —Erica Lyn, Goodreads Review

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"This book is powerful. So much information from this brilliant researcher on narcissism. Some parts were hard to acknowledge regarding the damage that a trauma bond leaves on an individual. I believe it leaves a long-lasting residue. Read it. You won't be disappointed." —Sue, Amazon Reviewer 

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"Wonderful book! Very informative and eye opening! I learned a lot!" —Shauna, Amazon Reviewer

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​"Excellent so far but a somewhat tough read. This is very well written. The author weaves science/psychobiology with everyday scenarios and relevant examples. It is both validating and educating. When initially dealing with creatures of this sort, it’s VERY disorienting so you aren’t really sure what’s happening at first. This information is so helpful and supportive of healing, wellness, and assisting one in keeping themselves safe. I recommend… but one may need to take breaks while reading this due to the disturbing nature of the personality types being read about." —TheWaterShaman_Beauty, Amazon Review

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"Once again, Shahida Arabi proves herself the world expert on fighting back against the damage done by narcissists.
In her latest book, she breaks down how trauma bonds with abusive people happen and what to do about it. Though this book is targeted toward those in romantic relationships, it’s suitable for anyone out of one (old or fresh) who doesn’t want to repeat it with someone new. It is also still very validating and useful for people whose experience with narcissists and psychopaths is friends, family, coworkers, and other non-romantic relationships.

As always, one of the traits in Arabi’s writing is her ability to validate the reader while also making them feel empowered. Yes, you’ve been a victim, but we are hitting back. You won’t find pop-psychology here; Arabi’s work is deeply rooted in research.
Maybe you aren’t sure if the person you’re dealing with is actually a dangerous person or just a jerk? Arabi breaks it down for you in plain language with relatable examples. Her very first message for you is letting you know these people are SKILLED at creating these trauma bonds. This isn’t your fault. Use her book like a workbook. Highlight it. Write in the margins. To me, it’s like a roadmap from start to finish. Use the checklists. This is a book you want to buy simply because I promise (like all of her books) in your healing journey, you will read it and return to parts of it again and again until it’s worn and dog-eared.
Learn about tactics such as gaslighting, triangulation, and love bombing, how to identify them and what to do. Reclaim your voice and know there is hope and a light at the end of the tunnel.

I personally used Arabi’s older books to cope with a narcissistic parent, which led to poor friendships and work relationships with narcissists. You’ll revisit your own childhood and life experiences, along with your own loving and giving personality traits that narcs love like a moth to a flame. No, you don’t have to change everything about yourself or feel ashamed that you wound up in this situation. Arabi walks you through the healing necessary, teaching you how to weaken your trauma bond, put down and maintain boundaries, types of therapy you can access for yourself, and even holistic approaches.
If you’re lucky enough to have had minimal experience with these types of people, but find the psychology behind them interesting (true crime!) Arabi provides a wealth of easily read science backed up with real-world examples.
This book is like a crash course on everything you need to know. Elements of it can be read at a deeper level if a part of it resonates with you and you want more. The great thing is Arabi has published many books on this topic. If you want more information and a deeper dive into reclaiming your voice, her book “Power” is for you. Are you like me, a child of a narcissist and need information a bit more tailored to that experience? She’s got you covered with “Healing the Adult Children of Narcissists." My personal favourite is “Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare." If you find yourself in these situations a lot, I would absolutely read this book and then read that book next! ​I am thankful we live in a world like people with Arabi, who are helping victims find their voice and reclaim their power. I give her books as gifts and my copies are well worn and loved. If you’re on the fence and overwhelmed by all the books out there, you want the best bang for your buck, trust the woman who is in the trenches of this research. You won’t be sorry." —Raina, Amazon Reviewer

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"A MUST READ! I have read many books and her work is amazing, very insightful, helpful and relevant! Below I listed how the book affected me as I am still on my healing journey. I am very grateful to the author for gathering the information together so I can become MORE educated...This is also good information for a toxic boss in the

workplace or a toxic co-worker—I currently have a toxic boss that I need to have boundaries and be very aware." —Candyce McOmber, Amazon Reviewer

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"I’ve always been a huge fan of Shahida Arabi’s writing ever since I bought her book called The Highly Sensitive Person’s Guide to Dealing with Toxic People. That book saved my life years ago, and I’m so glad that book was recommended to me by a friend. Thankfully, after reading Breaking Trauma Bonds with Narcissists and Psychopaths, I have changed the way I live and work with some of my narcissistic family members, romantic partner, and coworkers. I used to be very reactive and I used to ruminate over every word they said to me, and I would always second-guess every interaction I had with them until I read this literary gem, and I started to apply some of the life-changing techniques to my own life. I would highly recommend Breaking Trauma Bonds with Narcissists and Psychopaths to everyone I know because this book will teach you how to break free from toxic relationships and focus on your own needs and goals, and you will find peace and happiness by learning to let go of relationships that don’t bring joy into your life." —April Adams, Amazon Reviewer

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"Breaking Trauma Bonds with Narcissists and Psychopaths is an easy-to-read book by therapist Shahida Arabi. It’s a helpful guidebook for people who are victims of manipulation, gaslighting, and deception in romantic relationships. The author defines trauma bonds as a powerful connection between abuser and victim based on danger, betrayal, or a power imbalance inherent in the relationship. This book is packed with the tools to break free from the destructive grip of narcissistic or psychopathic abuse. It teaches how to spot manipulation tactics used by abusers and emphasizes drawing healthy boundaries with a partner. It also includes insightful tips and practical strategies for safely ending unhealthy relationships and building healthy relationships in the future. I recommend this book for adults who suspect they are in an unhealthy relationship. While the case studies are geared towards romantic relationships, the principles can be applied to workplace and family relationships as well. Not only is this book very informative and easy to understand, but the author also writes in a positive, encouraging, and reassuring tone." —Southern Chick, Amazon Reviewer

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"The best! Shahida Arabi’s writings and work have transformed the playing field of self-care and self-help regarding narcissistic abuse in a tangible and easily accessible way. Her work saved my life, and here again in ‘Breaking Trauma Bonds with Narcissists and Psychopaths’ she has spun her gold. Ms. Arabi cuts to the chase, demystifying the abuse cycle and empowering ‘warriors’ (survivors of abuse) to transform themselves by understanding the tactics that the narcissist use. She has developed a step-by-step process for warriors to take back their own power and break free from their abusers and the vicious cycle of narcissistic abuse. Where countless self-care books and years of therapy could not break my trauma bond, Miss Arabi’s books did. I highly recommend ‘Breaking Trauma Bonds with Narcissists and Psychopaths’ and endorse all of Miss Arabi’s publications and work.
—Ashley Jones, Amazon Reviewer

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"A very necessary body of work! This book is absolutely a must-read if you even possibly suspect you are dealing with someone who is a narcissist or potential psychopath. This book was very clear; it was written in a way that was great for me to manage and understand. There is research-based information, and you can complete the exercises as part of your own work toward healing after the negative effects of these types of relationships. I believe even if you have not had these types of relationships in your life already, you will know what to identify and how to stay away from them by reading this book." 

—Effie, Amazon Reviewer

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"I am a long-time book reviewer, member of the media, an Influencer, and a content provider. I received this book as a review copy from either the author, the publisher, or a publicist. I have not been compensated for this recommendation. I have given it a Best of the Best designation for the month of March, 2025, as it stands heads above other recently published books on this topic or of this genre." —Steve Brock, Amazon Reviewer

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"The books by this author have helped my wife greatly. Though we have a loving relationship, she has had bad past experiences that still cause anxiety and difficulty when around these people. She is always more confident and happier after reading these books." —Sean, Goodreads Review

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"Shahida Arabi is a wonderful writer and the best on the subject of narcissism. This book is no exceptions. Her books have helped me understand how to deal with individuals in my life and heal from these toxic relationships. I look forward to each and every book she writes." —Riverside, Amazon Reviewer

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